029. What is a Loyalty Bind and What Can You Do About It?
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Have you ever felt rejected by your stepchild?
I know I have — and it hurts. Especially when you're trying so hard to show them how much you love them.
Most stepparents I've met really want to have a connected relationship with their stepchildren. But somewhere along the way, they feel like giving up. It's not that they don't still want to build a relationship…it's just that rejection is painful.
I've also discovered that the "rejection" is most often not really about me. It's common for that to be the reaction of a stepchild when they're caught in a Loyalty Bind…and that's a typical place for kids to get stuck in blended families.
As I started to see that Annika (my stepdaughter) was stuck in this bind it changed my view of what was really happening. I got more focused on helping her loosen the "binds" instead of simply protecting myself.
If you've ever felt rejected by your step-child — this is the episode for you.
You'll Discover:
What a Loyalty Bind is and how kids get stuck in them
How to support kids emotionally when they're stuck in a Loyalty Bind
Ways to help step-parents cope when they're feeling hurt from the result of a step-child's Loyalty Bind
How bio-parents can avoid inadvertently feeding into a child's Loyalty Bind
Resources from this Episode:
Episode 7 — Toxic Ex's & Hurting Kids — 5 Steps That Help
Episode 25 — How to Survive Time Alone with Your Step-Kids — Your Guide to Spring Break
Episode 26 — Are You Stuck in a "Competition" with Your Step-Kids?
Episode 27 — How to Set Clear Boundaries and Safeguard Relationships
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child book by Dr. John Gottman
Article by Ron Deal on FamilyLife Blended: How to Cook a Stepfamily
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